High Skcewl is Lame
by IhateMarySue'sSoooooMuch
Summary: The boys are in high school ( NO SLASH ) and the weird shit that usually happens happens. Updated on weekends.
1. Hah Sckewl is gay!

"Oh goddamnit this is going to be fucking lame!" complained Eric Cartman loudly to his friends.

"What are you talking about fatass? I think high school is going to be fun" said Kyle the daywalking, Jewish, jersey son of a bitch.

"Fun!? FUN!? Kahl have you ever gone on the internet? Hah sckewl is going to be gayer than Katie Holmes ex husband. Go on a fanfiction site and look up your favourite cartoon or movie and I guarantee you'll a find a bunch of crappy drama fics and the ones that aren't about drama are about guys fucking each other!"

Stan Marsh pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Cartman the internet is full of perverted 13 year olds, high school probably isn't as bad as you sa-"

"SHUT UP STAN! Your only saying that cos you're gay for Kahl."

"Shut up FATASS!" shouted Stan.

"Better than being a gay hippy!" retorted the male version of a teenage Honey-Boo-Boo.

"Are you two lovebirds are done with your marital problems cos were at the school" said Kenny.

The hippy and Bruce Vilanch glared at Kenny and the four walked in to South Park High. They recognised many of the kids from their old school before making their way to their class. They talked with their classmates until their teacher walked in.

"Hello class" said the old perverted looking man.

"Ah shit its Garrison! This is lame!" said the tub of lard. The rest of the class groaned.

"What are you doing here?" asked Token.

"I got fired from teaching at elementary school because of racism. I called a Chinese kid Japanese even though they're the same thing. Anyway according to my timetable I have you for lots of classes."

The entire class groaned.

"Oh great! I was hoping for a good education but now all I'm going to learn about is TV shows from the nineties!" complained Stan's girlfriend Wendy.

"Well if you don't want to be in my class go fuck yourself bitch. Anyway today were going to learn about why Twilight is so fucking stupid."

"I think it's great" said Mr. Hat.

The class groaned again upon seeing the puppet.

"How could this get any worse" asked Bebe seconds before a light fell from the ceiling landing on a student's head.

"Oh my God! They killed Kenny!" shouted Stan.

"You bastards!" yelled Kyle.

"Don't swear in my fucking or you'll get detention!" snapped Garrison.


	2. Pip

"Hey Pip wanna see a magic trick?"

Phillip Pirrup (called Pip because everyone hates him) turned around to face the fat teen behind him. Eric Cartman was holding a box of matches in one hand and a can of petrol in the other.

"Forgive me for saying so Eric but I'm not so fond of your magic tricks." said the British teenager.

Cartman poured the liquid on Pip before lighting a match and throwing it on Pip.

"Aaah aaahh!" screamed Pip running down the hall.

"Hahahaha! God what a fag!"

Pip was running when someone stuck out their leg and tripped him.

"Huhuhuhu he's gay!"

"Yeah totally gay! Huhuhuh!"

Someone snapped their fingers and the fire was put out instantly.

"I suggest you two redneck, in the closet spawn of pox whores leave him alone!" said Damien.

Bill Allen and Fosse Mc Donald were not intimidated by the anti-Christ.

"Huhuhuhu. Look! The gay kids boyfriend has come to make out with him!" chuckled Fosse.

"Yeah! Their homo! Theys probably werin women's underwear! Huhuhuhu!" said Bill.

"Only I am allowed to torture him!" said Damien.

"Oh huzzah! My good friend is here to safe me!" cheered Pip.

"Shut up Pip!"

"Oh right-o…"

Damien eyes started to glow red.

"Homosexualis tardo!" shouted he anti-Christ in his high pitched voice.

Both Bill and Fosse were lit on fire. They ran outside and rolled in the snow until the flames died, then a group of NAMBLA members showed up and started chasing the duo.

"This is too gay!" screamed Bill in fear.

"Too gay!" repeated Fosse.

"Thank you for putting out that horrid fire Damien." said the British boy cheerily.

"I cannot allow my only minion on the surface to suffer when I am not the one inflicting the pain!"

"Well Damien I prefer to think of us as best friends not servant and master."

"You can't be my friend you British piece of bullshit! And you never will be!"

"Why ever not?" questioned the Brit.

"I shall only accept you as my friend once you grow a pair!"

"… pair of what?"

"A pair of balls you dim witted, European, asslicking piece of crap!" shouted Damien.

"Why I believe I already have some old chap."

The anti-Christ groaned. Kids used to pick on Damien all the time for hanging out with Pip until he burned them all.

"You need to stand up for yourself! Be a man! The girls have bigger balls than you!"

"… you could teach me!"

"What?"

"It shall be so much fun!"

"Okay I'll teach you but only because everyone thinks I'm a loser for hanging out with you."

"Hooray!"

Later at the gym Damien was teaching Pip how to box. His punches were weak and he kept flinching.

"Dammit Pip! Stop flinching you're like that cocaine addicted kid! I think he's named Twitch."

"Why I believe Tweek has ADD."

"Hey look over there. It's the Honey Boo Boo." pointed Damien.

"Your incorrect that's Eric Cartman." corrected Pip.

"I was making a joke."

The Duo walked over to Cartman. The fat teen was running on a treadmill. His fat was jiggling and he was gasping for air.

"What are you doing here ass master?" asked Damien.

"If… I ever… want to… achieve my… goal of… world domination… I need to get in… shape."

Cartman threw up all over Pip. Damien rolled his eyes. Cartman might dream of ruling the world and killing all Jews but the fat bastard was probably going to die in his mid twenties because of some disease morbidly obese people get. The fat boy stopped running and spoke when he got his breath back.

"What the fuck are you doing here?"

"I am trying to make Pip stronger. I tried getting him to lift weights but he was too weak so now I am trying to teach him how to box."

"HA! You're trying to teach that French faggot boxing? Even Butters is a better fighter than Pip!"

Damien opened his mouth to speak but Pip shouted at Cartman.

"DON'T CALL ME FRENCH YOU FAT FUCKING BEACHED WHALE! I HATE THE FUCKING FRENCH! THEY PISS ME OFF! IF YOU CALL ME FRENCH AGAIN I'LL KICK YOUR FAT ASS!"

"Yeah right you couldn't kick my ass you're just a stupid French pussy!"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP FATSO!"

"Alright fine! On Friday I'll beat you up and your gonna wish you had respected my autoritah! Screw you Frenchie I'm going home!"

Pip calmed down after a few seconds.

"Pip are you sure you want to fight Cartman? He might be weak but he's not a fair fighter he'll probably cheat."

"I need to kick his ass. I dealt with his crap all my life and I'm not taking it anymore! Damien… let's have a training montage!"

_The day is approaching give it your best_

_And you've got to reach your prime_

Pip and Damien are at the Gym. Pip tries to lift weights but fails.

_That's when you need to put yourself to the test_

_And show us a passage of time_

Pip is on a treadmill. He trips on his untied shoelace and is sent flying into Damien.

_We're gonna need a montage! (MONTAGE!)_

_A sports training montage! (M0NTAGE!)_

Pip hits a boxing bag weakly.

_Show a lot of things happening at once,_

_Remind everyone of what's going on! (WHAT'S GOING ON!)_

Cartman puts up a hand drawn posting about the fight in the school corridor.

_And with every shot show a little improvement,_

_To show it would take to long!_

Pip hits the boxing bag and smiles. The bag then hits him in the face.

_That's called a montage! (MONTAGE!)_

_Even Rocky had a montage (MONTAGE!)_

Pip is doing push ups with Damien standing on him.

_In any sport if you want to go,_

_From just a beginner to a pro_

Pip is trying on protective cups in case Cartman roshambo's him.

_You need a montage (MONTAGE!)_

_A simple little montage! (MONTAGE!)_

Pip and Damien high-five.

_Always fade out in a montage_

_If you fade out it seems like more time has passed in a montage._

It's the day of the fight and everyone is gathered near Starks Pond. Everyone makes a circle around Pip and Cartman.

"Today's the day. I will kick your fat ass!" shouted Pip.

"Oh no! Frenchie Mc Frencherton is angry I'm sooooooo scared! Voulez vous couchhez avec Moi?"

Pip yelled and ran at Cartman, the fat boy yelled angrily and started to punch the Brit. Pips punches had little effect because f Cartmans layers of fat. Pip punched him in the face giving Cartman a black eye. Cartman attempted to kick Pip in the nuts but it didn't work because Pip was wearing a protective cup.

"Go on Pip!" shouted Butters.

" Beat the crap out of him!" cheered Bebe.

"Aargh! You can do it! Nnnrgh!" cried out Tweek.

" That fat Bastard deserves a lesson!" lisped Scott Malkinson.

"SHUT UP SCOTT! I'm Scott Malkinson I think-Ah that hurt Goddamnit!" Pip kicked the fat bastard in the balls ending the fight. All the other teens started cheering his name.

"PIP! PIP! PIP! PIP!"

A branch fell from a tree hitting Kenny.

"OH my God! They killed Kenny!" shouted Stan.

"You bastards!" Kyle yelled at the trees.

**I was going to put up a different chapter but I wanted to edit it although I'm having problems editing. I watched the Damien episode today and I always felt sorry for Pip. I know he died but still Damien would probably bring him back to live to make him his minion. Thanks for all your reviews.**


	3. Too much Pressure!

Things were not going well for Tweek Tweak. Firstly, he had been chased by several teenage girls wearing shirts with pictures of him and Craig. Secondly, they kept asking if he was dating Craig and when he told them "NO WAY! Dating another boy would be too much pressure!" they got mad and started shouting at him and one even pulled out a gun and told him to ask Craig on a date. And thirdly, when he tried to run away he had almost been hit by a bus. Oh and if this day couldn't get any worse he forget to bring some coffee to high school with him.

"Hey Tweek are you okay?" asked Clyde.

"AH! They're out to get me! Oh God I don't know what to do!" screamed Tweek.

The rest of the class was looking at Tweek, some students tried to move away from him. Craig sighed wondering what type of fumes Tweek had been inhaling.

"What is it this time?" asked Craig.

"They want me to do things to you!"

"What sort of things?

"Sexual things! They're sick in the head! They're gonna get us!" screamed Tweek.

The entire class was silent (except for Cartman who fell from his chair and was rolling on the floor laughing) they all gave him weird looks.

"Who's gonna get you?" asked Stan.

"The fangirls! AH! They're after me!"

Mr. Garrison (who had been reading a gay porn magazine) told Tweek to go to the counsellor.

"I can't! They might get me!" screamed Tweek.

"I'll go with you if you want." offered Craig.

"OMG! Craig wants to go with Tweek!"

"Yeah maybe he wants to ask him out!"

Everyone turned to look out the window, two teenage girls had their faces pressed against the glass and were squealing happily. Tweek screamed and ran out the door while Craig flipped them off.

"OMG! He flipped us off!"

"That was so cool!"

Cartman pulled some bear mace out of his school bag and opened the windows.

"Goddamnit! I hate slashers almost as much as hippies! TAKE THIS YOU FAT BITCHES!"

Cartman maced them and they screamed in pain much to the fat teens delight.

"Yeah! Suck it bitches!" he shouted and flipped them off.

"Dude do you think we should go and check on Tweek?" asked Kyle when they were walking to the bus stop.

"Why should we? Let Craig and Tweeks other friends check on him." asked Cartman.

"Because he's our friend too fat ass."

"HI!" squealed a voice.

The teenagers turned around, a blond sixteen year old girl was behind them. She was wearing a shirt which said "Style is the best!".

"Uhh… hi…" said Stan.

The girl squealed loudly and the teens covered their ears.

"OMG! You talked to me! My friends are going to be, like so TOTALLY jealous, like OMG!"

"AY! Get the fuck outa hyah you goddamn slashing, hippie bitch or I will kick you sqaur in the nuts!"

The girl glared at the fat teen.

"Kyle isn't yours! Can't you see he and Stan belong together! I hate Kyman! You're the worst character ever! You stopped being funny after season seven!"

The girl punched Cartman in the face before walking up to Stan and Kyle.

"Are you going to kiss?" she asked with a grin.

"What!? Hell no!" shouted Kyle.

"He's my best friend! It would be so weird. And what would I tell Wendy?" said Stan.

"But you and Kyle could get married and one of you could get pregnant!"

"…..what the fuck?" was the only thing Kenny could say. Of everything that had ever happened in South Park this was the weirdest.

"….this is pretty fucked up right here." commented Stan.

"AY! You stupid hoe! You can't get away with hitting me I'll turn your parents into-" Cartman collapsed, he had a small dart sticking out of his neck. Two more darts flew out of nowhere hitting Stan and Kyle. Kenny turned and ran but the girl wearing the Style shirt pulled out a tranquilliser gun and shot him. She grinned as more of her kind came out of the nearby woods to drag away the bodies.

**Well what do you think happens next? Will the slashers overrun South Park? Will I write a good chapter or just some crappy piece of shit? Please review… or else I'll kill Kenny! Do you want to be responsible for Kenny's death?**


	4. Yaoi

Kenny groaned and opened his eyes, his head hurt and the last thing he could remember was his friends falling unconscious.

"Uh… where the fuck am I?" he finally managed to say.

"Hi Kenny." said a voice.

"Butters is that you?" asked Kenny.

"Yeah it's me. I was walking down the road and these girls grabbed me. I tried to tell them that if I got kidnapped I'd be grounded but they said I'd thank them for it later."

Kenny suddenly realised two things.

He was in a cage.

He and Butters were both naked.

"Dude why the fuck are we naked!?"

Before Butters could answer a door opened and a fourteen year old girl walked into the room. She walked up to the cage and grinned. She stared silently for several seconds.

"What the fuck do you want?" asked Kenny.

"WOW Butters is really hung. Do you wanna fuck him Kenny?" she asked.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU!?"Kenny shouted.

"Do it and I'll let you out."

"NO!"

"Uh… guys I can't have sex with Kenny or I'll be grounded." said Butters.

The girl leaned closer to the cage.

"Do it."

Kenny spat on her face.

"EEEEWWWW! THAT'S GROSS!" she shrieked.

Kenny grabbed her arm and pulled her towards the cage. He put another arm around her neck and started to choke her.

"So is kidnapping teenagers and making them have sex! Now give me the keys to the cage and I'll let you go!"

"Never!"

Kenny started to strangle her.

"Gosh Kenny aren't you worried your parents might ground you for strangling her?" asked Butters.

"Goddamnit Butters reach into her back pocket and see if there's any keys!" snapped Kenny.

"Okay!" Butters reached into her back pocket and pulled out the keys before opening the door. Kenny let the girl go and she ran out the door.

"C'mon Butters we have to find the others!"

"Inspector Butters is on the case!"

"Shut up."

"Yes sir…"

"Stan wake up! C'mon wake up buddy!"

"Uh…Kyle is that you?"

"Yeah it's me."

Stan Marsh looked around. He was in a cage with several other people from his high school. Cartman was unconscious, Craig flipped Stan off, Kevin was comforting Clyde who was crying in the corner. There was another cage in the room containing more of their friends. Actually Stan noticed there were lots of cages in the room. They were filled with animals including mice, rabbits, chickens, monkeys and frogs.

"Dude where the fuck are we?" asked the teenager in the red poofball hat. "And why are we all naked? What's going on?"

Terrance Mephesto answered him from the other cage.

"Those hormonal teenage girls want to see if males can get pregnant so they're threatening to kill all of the teenage males in town if my father doesn't make it so males can get pregnant. They took away your friends Kenny and Butters awhile ago. No doubt they plan to operate on them first."

A door opened and several teenage girls with guns walked in.

"Hey you better let us out or else we'll tell on you!" shouted the now conscious Cartman.

"Shut up!" snapped one teen.

"Yeah in a few seconds our leader will be here and you will all do what we say!" said another.

"Who's your leader?" asked Kyle. The doors opened and a man walked in. the teenage boys gasped. It was Westley Allen Dodd.

"Oh fuck! I thought that guy was hanged years ago!" exclaimed Kyle.

"Who's that?" asked Craig.

" He molested and murdered loads of kids and teenagers. He cut off kids genitals and fed it to them. He had sexual fantasies about choking and stabbing kids! He is fucked up!"said Stan.

"Did we do good master?" asked a fan girl hopefully.

Without saying anything Dodd turned and stabbed the blond girl. The raining slashers gasped.

"OMG! He killed Jenny!" said one girl.

"YOU B.I. ITCH!" shouted another.

Dodd turned and stabbed another girl in the throat. The remainder ran away screaming but he ran after them. Some got away but two more slashers were taken down. Dodd like the blood covered knife making happy moaning noises.

"… dude this is pretty fucked up right here!" commented Stan.

Dodd turned and walked towards the cage he was about to open the doors.

"HEY! Leave my friends alone!" shouted Kenny.

Dodd turned around. Kenny and Butters were both wearing underwear, Kenny held a baseball bat and Butters held a pile of underwear which he hoped Terrance wouldn't mind him taking.

"Well, well, well! You two are quite overdressed!" said Dodd with a happy grin.

"Go fuck yourself with a ten foot knife!" spat Kenny.

"Bring it on!"

Kenny tried to hit Dodd with Terrance's old baseball bat while trying t not get stabbed. Meanwhile Butters gave underwear to the boys in the other cages. He was about to put the key in the lock of the cage door when he heard Kyle yell Kenny's name in shock. The teen had been stabbed in the heart.. all the boys looked shocked but realised Kenny was the lucky one. They would all be killed too but only after they had been raped and fed their own genitals.

"Come to daddy little boy!"

Dodd started to walk towards Butters, he raised the knife getting ready to cut out one of the teens eyes… there was a gunshot. Dodd put a hand to his stomach, when he looked at his hand the fingers were covered with blood. There were two more gunshots and he collapsed. Tweek was standing in the open doorway of Mephesto's lab.

"… damn Tweek! That was so Kewl!" commented the skinny version of Bruce Vilanch.

"Tweek aren't you worried you might be arrested for murder?" asked Stan.

"Don't be stupid Stan. Tweek is probably going to be given an award or something." said Craig.

And so Tweek saved the day, sixteen year old males can't get pregnant and the slash fanfiction writers got in fights over what the best pairing was and eventually got mad and went home.

**Wow… I am sick in the head… I just wrote a chapter about naked sixteen year old boys getting pregnant and it had one of the world's worst child molesters in it. And no I don't think Cartman **

**got worse after season seven that's just the opinion of a Style fan who's sick of Kyman.**


	5. Kahl is Unkewl

Kyle made his way to the bus stop on a Saturday morning. He didn't have to go to school but it was still a place he and his friends hung out. Stan, Kenny, Cartman, Butters, Clyde and Jimmy were all there. Tweek was there too, he was holding a baseball bat and was wearing some type of collar around his neck (he was worried the fangirls would try and tranquilize him again).

"Hey dudes! What's up?" asked the daywalker cheerily.

"Oh we were just talking about the new episode of Pony With A Blog!" Butters said.

"What's that?"

Everyone turned to look at the Jew.

"You ha-ha-haven't seen it?" asked Jimmy.

"Obviously not." answered Kyle.

"Kahl go home and turn on the Disney Channel it should be on in twenty five minutes. We're all going over to mah place to watch but you can't come cause you're not Keeeeeewwwwwwlllllllllll!"

Kyle looked at them in disbelief.

"The Disney Channel? Seriously? I can picture Butters watching it, even Cartman but you guys actually watch the Disney Channel? Grow up!"

"AY! You grow up Kahl! Everyone at Hah Sckewl watches it! C'mon guys! Let's go!"

Kyle watched as his friends walked off. The Disney Channel? Seriously? Only four year olds watch it. Except Ike who cried until his mom switched the channel back to the news. But what if Fatass was telling the truth? What if everyone watched it? He didn't want to be the unpopular one at school. He remembered how everyone had beaten him up because he didn't want to be metrosexual. Well it looked like he was going to have to watch the gay ass Disney Channel.

**LATER ON…**

A whole half hour… a whole half hour of his life was taken, snatched away and he wasn't going to get it back. What did everybody see in that show? It was about a pink pony with powers travelling the through the lands of Estaquasia making friends and travelling companions and bringing peace to the country. His mission was to stop the evil hyenas from spreading pain and misery. It was fucking stupid. Off course the hyenas caused pain and misery they eat meat for Christ's sake but they were the only good characters. All the tickle rabbits and sparkly elves and rainbow butterflies had no character development and could go fuck themselves. Who would actually watch the Disney Channel? Oh well maybe Cartman was lying. Maybe no one watched this stupid show.

**AT SCKEWL…**

NO FUCKING WAY…. Everyone was going around wearing shirts and carrying lunchboxes with pictures of characters from Pony With A Blog (PWAB). When Kyle sat down at his desk Cartman walked over to mock him.

"HEY EVERYONE! Kahl doesn't watch PWAB! Isn't he a dork!"

All the class glared at the tub of lard.

"Why that's not nice at all." commented Stan.

"It's wrong to make fun of people." Damien said.

"We're all equal." said Craig with a happy grin. He didn't even try flip anybody off!

Mr. Garrison walked in with his puppet friend.

"Okay class I don't want any complaints from your horse fucking parents about not teaching you so today were going to learn about Algebra."

A half hour later and Garrison was starting to get pissed. His class were behaving weird. They weren't shouting, swearing, making sex jokes or insulting each other's religions.

"OK what the fuck is wrong with you little bastards!?" he inquired.

"Why you shouldn't use swear words Mr. Garrison! They could be offensive to some people. For example the B-word could offend people whose father has died or divorced their mothers."

While Heidi and Cartman had tears in their eyes Mr. Garrisons jaw had dropped. The student that had said those words was none other than Damien, the anti Christ. He said the word bastard all the time. What the fuck was wrong with everyone.

"Why are you all acting like this you little tampon sucking, mother lovers?" asked Mr. Hat.

"We aren't acting! This is who we are! Right guys?" said Wendy happily.

"YEAH!" replied the class.

Mr. Garrison sighed before sitting down. Today was going to be a looong day.

"Pardon Mr. Garrison?" asked voice.

"…Yes Eric?"

"I was going to wait until class was over but can I hand out invitations now?"

"To what?"

"I was going to throw a party for my friends so we can all watch PWAB then do all our homework together. Would you like an invitation too?" asked Cartman.

"God no! But just hand out your crappy invitations!"

The fat teen gave invitations to everyone, even Kyle who sighed upon receiving his.

**Thanks for all the reviews**. **Some of my favourite characters show up next. I'll most likely update mostly on weekends. Peace out! God I sound like a fucking hippie!**


	6. Life is only pain

High School had ended and Kyle had nothing to do. He couldn't go home because Ike was having friends over and he didn't want to put up with their annoying questions such as "When someone gets as old as you do they need to put candy wrappers on their wee wee?" and other such things. And everyone his age was at Cartmans house. Kyle had tried to give the show a second chance on Sunday but it sucked balls. He just couldn't get into it. He stood near Cartmans house… should he go in or stay out. How long would everybody be addicted to this pony crap?

"What the hell are you doing?" said someone behind him.

Kyle turned and saw four other people all dressed in black.

"Oh… it's you guys." It was the Goth kids.

"Are their actually people having a party in their?" asked Tall Goth.

"Yeah…"

"How many?" asked Red Goth.

"I don't know. At least twenty people." Kyle replied.

The Goths groaned.

"This is just great!" Kindergoth said sarcastically (Yes I know he's no longer in Kindergarten but who cares).

"You guys we cannot let this continue!" said Girl Goth.

"You guys don't like that show?" asked Kyle.

"No it's fucking retarded." Red Goth pointed out.

"Why aren't you in there?" asked Girl Goth.

"Because I think it's lame. Are you guys going to try and cancel the show?" asked Kyle.

"Why do you think we would try that?" asked Tall Goth.

"Because when you hate something or someone you get rid of it. Everyone knows you burnt down hot topic and sent that vampire kid to Scottsdale." Kyle replied.

"Yeah we're gonna go to Walt Disney Studios and get that show cancelled." Kindergoth said.

"Can I come? I really wanna help stop that show."

"Sure you can come." said Girl Goth.

"What!?" asked Tall Goth. Girl Goth whispered into his ear.

"Relax I'm only bringing along the conformist so we have someone to frame and send to prison if something goes wrong. Besides if guards start shooting at us or something we can use him as a human shield."

"OK you can come but you have to carry our weapons and if something bad happens you take the blame." said Red Goth.

"…OK." Kyle said reluctantly.

**SOME TIME LATER…**

The daywalker, the midget, the fat girl, the kid with the big nose and the kid with pockmarks on his face were sitting on a bus headed towards Walt Disney Studios. Kyle tried to make conversation.

"So why did you send the vampire kid to Scottsdale?" asked the Jew.

"Because it's the most horrible, most miserable place on the whole planet." Goth Girl stated.

"That sounds like something you Goths would enjoy." said Kyle.

"It's not. It's burning hot and the water tastes like gone off cum." Red Goth said in disgust.

"Yeah and the drivers are worse than anywhere else on the planet." said Tall Goth.

"The town's motto is "There's nothing to do in Scottsdale but drink!". Alcohol is for fags anyway. Alcohol is stupid, people young and old buy it because they think it makes them look cool but we think they're really douche bags and don't deserve anyone's pity!" spat Goth Girl.

"…OK so what else happens in Scottsdale?" asked Kyle.

"There's nothing to do. Almost everywhere on the planet has historical land marks and stuff but Scottsdale just demolishes stuff and puts up a freaking hot topic." Tall Goth said.

"Nothing in Scottsdale is over fifty years old except some of its residents." said Red Goth.

"Wow that sounds like a horrible place to live!" Kyle exclaimed.

"Guys I think we're here." Kindergoth announced.

**LATER AT WALT DISNEY STUDIOS…**

"I'm sorry but if children don't have an appointment I can't let you in to speak with Mr. Mouse." Said the receptionist.

"Let us in you elderly cow!" spat Girl Goth.

"Why that's mean! You should respect your elders." said the woman.

"Cram it up your ass you prehistoric bitch!" Girl Goth shouted.

"She's not gonna let us in." said the ginger.

"No shit Sherlock." Said Red Goth sounding bored.

Seconds later Girl Goth pulled out a taser and shocked the receptionist.

"Jesus Christ!" exclaimed Kyle.

"Relax she's just knocked out." said Tall Goth.

They started to search the building with Henrietta zapping any guards she saw. Kyle was worried about what would happen when they ran into Mr. Mouse. Kyle wasn't on good terms with the overgrown, annoying rodent.

"In here!" Girl Goth opened a door and the others followed her into Mr. Mouse's office. The mouse looked up from his paperwork shocked.

"Who the fuck let kids in here?HaHa!"

"Shut it you piece of shit!" snapped Goth Girl.

"Mr. Mouse we would like you to cancel Pony With A Blog… Please?" asked the Jew.

"… why the hell would I do that? HaHa! It's had so many viewers! People off all ages watch it! HaHa! So why should I cancel it!...HaHa!"  
Girl Goth pulled a pistol out of her coat and aimed it at the rodent.

"Okay I'll cancel just let me get the paperwork…" he said. He grabbed a gun from underneath his desk and started firing at them. Everyone managed to take cover behind the couch in Mr. Mouse's office, Girl Goth tried to get a few shots in but failed.

"What do we do now?" asked Red Goth.

"I don't know she's the only one with a gun!" pointed out Tall Goth "Our knifes are useless. I just hope she brought some ammo with her. All I have is this Mint Berry Gum."

"Wait what did you say?" asked Kyle.

"I said I had Mint Berry Gum."

"That's it! He told me and my friends how to summon him if we needed him!"

"Oh shit…" Henrietta Biggle knew exactly who Kyle was talking about.

Kyle closed his eyes and started to chant.

_Oh hear my plea_

_I need a brave and strong hero _

_Safe me, Safe me_

_Defeat this zero!_

Kyle waited for several seconds. Henrietta was about to yell at him when…

"_Shablagoooooo!"_

In a flash of light the hero Mintberry Crunch appeared. He was the only one in Kyle's class who didn't watch PWAB because he had been trying to end hunger in Africa. As soon as he noticed the rodent with a gun he flew over and punched Mickey in the jaw. Then he kicked the rodent in the face before knocking him unconscious with his Minty Breath attack. Kyle cheered and then explained what was going on to Gokzurah. Mintberry Crunch then hypnotised the mouse into cancelling the show with his newly learned Mintotyse attack. He brought them all back to South Park and once again flipped off his fat sister and her dark friends.

"Fuck you! You owe me now!"

"Shut up you little TWERP!"

And so everyone soon forgot about PWAB. Although many teenagers still write about romance stories and all that other bullshit online.

THE END.

**Thanks for all the reviews. And here's hoping that one day Disney will start making good TV shows and movies again. **


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